This post is a tribute to one of the best fathers, husbands, and all around guys I have ever been blessed enough to know.  On January 21st, 2005 I walked down an aisle toward one of my very best friends in the whole world and said “I do”…I do choose to love you every day for the rest of forever, I do promise to live all the rest of my years here on this earth with you, I do choose to wake up each morning thankful for a hand to hold when I’m scared to take the next step.  The “I do” part was just the beginning to a beautiful, broken adventure!

Many times I have struggled through the chaos and uncertainty of our life but you come along side me, never once giving up on me, on us, when so many times it would have been easiest to do just that.  You are a man who loves his family unconditionally and have shown us this repeatedly in your actions.

Sometimes the sun is shining so bright we have to squint to see the horizon and all that lies beyond and sometimes we are just 2 people stumbling around in the dark hoping, praying that we get it right and land on our own 2 feet, still together.  We’ve been to grief counseling; we’ve been angry enough to keep track of who does what, when; we’ve been on different pages, in different chapters, and a few times in totally separate books (very difficult to come back from, I must admit, but it can be done!); we’ve had a broken heart (x1000)…so broken beyond repair that no breath was deep enough to fill our lungs with air; we’ve accused each other of all the marriage crimes….not loving enough, not hating enough, not trying hard enough, not caring enough, not noticing enough and on and on and everything in-between!  Why am I telling you these things if this is a tribute to someone I deeply love and respect, you ask? Because I don’t want you to get a false view of who we are.  I don’t want you to think for one second that the past 12 years has been easy and rosie and that we’re all lovey-dovey all the time.  There have been those times too but marriage takes work, effort and a lot of communicating, compromising and TEAMWORK! One of my favorite slogans…”teamwork makes the dreamwork!”  I know, I know, super cheese, right?!

Despite all of the crazy, difficult moments my husband truly is my super hero…”my Thor” as our son says.  He’s a mighty oak tree standing tall and strong amidst life’s storms.  He’s our shelter and protector and so much more!!  I think sometimes, as women, we lose site of who our partner is and what their strengths are.  My husband’s strengths are my weaknesses and that is a good and beautiful thing.  Don’t try to change them to be anything more than they are because this often ends up making them less than they were meant to be.

This past year was one of intense growth and change (which I don’t really do change…see previous posts 😉 ).  One year ago, in January my husband came home from his job at a local factory and said to me, “I’m done, honey.  I’m quitting the factory.  I’ve had enough.”  At first I was shocked.  We had discussed this but it wasn’t supposed to happen yet.  I trusted and believed in him and this choice and I still do.  It was the very best decision he could have ever made.  It took courage, strength and bravery to walk in and give his 2 weeks notice after 11 years at this job with no other job lined up to support us.  We got many crazy looks and some criticism about this decision but when you follow Jesus, your heart, and your dreams you can’t go wrong.

My husband has some very distinct gifts.  He is a barber by trade.  He’s an artist who creates beautiful paintings as well as beautiful haircuts.  He was born to create beautiful scenery in a baron land!

This is for you, my love…. You are a barber – not just of hair, but of life.  You trim, and perfect, and create, and dream.  You are a peacemaker who is teaching our son how to lead, love,  leap, and be a man.  You sit in the very front row when I’m asked to share the nitty-gritty and bare all; you encourage me to be great and to share all that we have been through and all that we have learned even if it makes you uncomfortable.  You lead with a gentle love.  Thank you for inspiring me to be more gentle, more kind, more loving and more giving!  I love that we strive to live to give together! I love you even more every single day!  Proud of who you are and proud you took a chance at building a life together with me.

We could all use a little more sunshine, especially after the rain that can come hard and fast in this life, right?!

I love Christmas time and celebrating the New Year! They are two of my favorite things! Christmas has always represented magic, joy, love and peace for me.  I get excited about finding the perfect tree, decorating it, adding a new and special piece to my children’s ornament collections, Christmas Eve jammies, family traditions – both old and new, getting together with friends and family to celebrate Jesus’ birth and another year gone by. On the flip side, this time of year I’m usually quite homesick and miss my Oregon family tremendously.  I feel only half-complete – like I’m missing out and that my kids are missing out.  We miss brothers and sisters (who are aunts and uncles to my precious tiny humans) and cousins (who are my nieces and nephews) and grandmas and grandpas.  They feel so far away. It’s bitter-sweet sometimes, right?! Just like all of life can be.

I love celebrating a new year…I get excited about starting fresh and having the whole year ahead to chase dreams and accomplish goals; to become a better version of me.  I’m a soul who loves to give.  Ordinarily this season of life is magical, merry and bright, full of love, giving and sparkling lights but, if I’m being totally honest with you, this year not so much.  We found ourselves in a bit of a rainstorm, complete with thunder, lightening and probably a bit of baseball-sized hail. December was a big, crazy storm with the most difficult week including a repeat MRI to monitor a growth in one child’s spine, a nerve-racking test at Sick Kids for another child and a major surgery for me, all within days of each other.  Then I had incisions across my chest complete with stitches and a very sore chest region, Chloe was very sick, but that is nothing new as she is always sick with a lung infection this time of year, and I became sleep deprived caring for her through the nights (also not a new struggle), and to put the cherry on top, someone robbed us taking tools, money, a shovel, gloves, and a goose down coat my husband uses to shovel when it’s -40 outside…. I guess someone needed these things more than we did!

To say we were stressed is probably a slight understatement.  In my family, we all handle stress very differently.  Shocking, right?!  Just so the picture is really clear….The night before my surgery (which was #8 in 3 years), my husband decided he would set up our fake, FREE tree and listen to music loud enough to indicate we were having a block party! I had 1,001 more pressing things to complete than setting up our fake, free Christmas tree, which, by the way, comes complete with lights from 1985, before heading to the body butcher (aka surgeon) in the morning.  Our son was sick with anxiety and worry, causing him to withdraw and miss an entire week of school.  I threatened to take our ugly Christmas tree outside to the front lawn and light it on fire!  What??!! Yes, that’s right….I basically had an adult tantrum…soooo not one of my finer moments in life and definitely not proud to acknowledge this, but it’s true!  So apparently stress makes me want to become a fire starter with a strong desire to purge the ugly things in my life (like fake, plastic Christmas trees 🙂 )!

Needless to say (as I’m writing this so I think it’s pretty obvious) we all survived! Actually, we didn’t just survive we flourished in many ways.  While our holiday season seemed covered in snowflakes of adversity and strife we managed.  While situations weren’t handled perfectly, in fact, far from it, we grew stronger as individuals and as a family.  We had disappoints, hurt feelings, said mean things to each other (ok maybe only I said mean things…), cried (A LOT) of tears, threatened to burn down the Christmas tree (also, only me), felt like giving up on a few occasions, and my husband and I discovered that when it comes to “calming down” breathing techniques don’t help….not even a teensie, weensie bit (maybe we aren’t doing it right…. deeper breaths??!).

The sun did shine for us, and it wasn’t just after the rain, sometimes it was during the rain…. this is the beautiful balance that comes in all of life. Sunshine in the midst of adversity and struggle is often missed because we are focused on the problems and not the good things.  I am a gold medalist when it comes to focusing on what’s wrong vs. what’s right with my life; with our life.

The sun peeked through in tiny bright moments here and there….

I celebrated a 3-year anniversary of the end of a very harsh form of Chemotherapy on December 18th.  Jake bought me a cheeseburger to celebrate! Yes, my chemo turned my hair almost completely grey but it DID grow back…YAY!

A super awesome friend dropped by at just the right moment with groceries, free hugs, love beyond my wildest imagination and a canvas bag that she made just for me!!

We saw a big, beautiful, sparkly and magical, non-fake Christmas tree!!

We saw “Potted Potter” in the theater in Toronto!

Christmas came with blessings of love!

A new year, with a clean slate! Excited for 2017!!